Archive | September, 2012

Your Father Could Be… Ethan

27 Sep

After that second date, things have taken off with Ethan. We talk throughout most of each day and see each other nearly as often. Insert happy relationship montage here. Everything is rainbows and butterflies and giggles and kisses and… ok, even I’m feeling a little sick from all that. Still, that’s what it’s like. There are even a few times that I think, “Geez, I hate couples like us.”

Six weeks after that should-have-been-awful first date, Ethan looks deep into my eyes and says the words every girl longs to hear (and I honestly doubted I would ever hear from him)…

“So…we should put this on Facebook?”

Only, it doesn’t really come out as a question, so I do the only reasonable thing to do: I laugh in his face.

I don’t mean to do it, but the situation is just so absurd… so 21st century and yet also so middle school, that I just don’t know what else to do. Ethan changes the subject, but I’m still chuckling.

It takes me a good ten minutes to realize that I never actually gave him an answer. “Of course!” I say, with an added apology.
We spend the rest of the night fielding texts and comments from people we barely know interrupting our date time, but it’s ok because I smile each time I tell someone about my boyfriend.

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Kids, I worry for you. If this is what I’m dealing with, well, you’re in for weird relationship milestones.

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The Blame Disney Movement

21 Sep

Disney gets a bad rap for fostering delusions in young girls regarding love, life, and hair. Each fairytale princess is strong, witty, and independent to a fault- until she gets rescued by a handsome prince with questionable morals.

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This is probably a chicken or egg question, but that actually describes pretty much ALL of my girlfriends. Like it or not, Disney kind of hit the nail on the head there.

Which of course led me to wonder, what else was Disney right about? Parents are often silly, meddling and misguided, but well-meaning? Check. Animals make more loyal companions than humans? Check. The jealous older sister/stepmom/witch will meet her disastrous but deserved fate… Uh oh.

You see, lately, I haven’t been the princess in these stories. I blame Facebook. When I see yet another engagement announcement, with the sparkling, fairy-dust-coated ring photo and the never ending notifications because I ‘liked’ it too early… well, my inner-self turns a little green. She also might jump up and down, blow steam out of her ears, and shriek “No! Me!”

Not the way to encourage woodland creatures to make you breakfast, which is apparently a prerequisite for finding  a man.

I’m not proud of it and I quickly shut this behavior down, but it happens each time nonetheless. I don’t do this with good friends; I’m genuinely happy for them, and there’s usually a party at the end of that story… hopefully with an open bar and a few single groomsmen. So that always works out well.

No, I start thinking of poison apples for people I really shouldn’t be Facebook friends with anyway. The girl I met during college orientation and never saw again. Someone three years younger than me from home. A friend’s crazy ex that I stayed friends with purely for entertainment (yea, SHE’S engaged). Still, if Disney’s right about the poisonous effect of jealousy, especially on the person feeling it, I should probably lock it up. That’s where cat ladies come from.

I’d rather be the princess anyway.

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