It’s Over Chicken Recipe

19 Jan

I popped into CVS briefly the other day for a quick errand, however I wasn’t mentally prepared for the three aisles of shame-inducing blatantly-consumerist Cupid-vomit bombarding me as I entered. I swear they had less candy on display at Halloween and yet the piece de resistance was this gem staring deeply, beckoningly into my eyes:
perfect manI somehow passed him up, although at the moment he’s my best prospect for a Valentine… wait, what am I saying?  Instead of letting these displays of crass consumerism start me tallying which of my friends are single versus attached, I have to remember that I have at least three weeks to procrastinate.

Since this experience primed my romantic mood, my thoughts wandered to relationships while I baked a new chicken recipe this morning. I thought of how therapeutic beating the pretzels to little bits can be, the satisfaction of pounding chicken breasts to 1/2 inch thick, and the weirdly perfect combination of sweet honey, spicy mustard, and bitter vinegar to represent the end of a relationship. With that I give you the recipe for “It’s over” chicken:

Ingredients

4 cups hard sourdough pretzels
1/2 cup olive oil
1/2 cup creamy Dijon mustard
1/3 cup honey
 1/4 cup water
1-2 tablespoons red wine vinegar
coarse salt and fresh ground black pepper
1 +  pound boneless chicken breasts, sliced and/or gently pounded to 1/2″ thick (Perdue sells thin cut chicken breasts, I recommend just going with that)

Instructions

  1. Preheat the oven to 350° F. Spray a casserole dish with cooking spray (butter flavor works best).
  2. In a large plastic bag, pound the pretzels until all of the large pieces are broken up and you have a good portion of fine crumbs too.  Some people will tell you to use a food processor, but don’t let them steal this emotional release for a few minutes of quiet. To make the most of this exercise, really get angry! Put your back into it! Then place the pretzels in a large, shallow bowl and set aside. He’s not worth your time anymore.
  3. Add the oil, mustard, honey, water and vinegar to a food processor and pulse until smooth. I’ve already discussed the metaphor here.
  4. Season with salt and pepper. Taste and adjust the flavor to suit your own tastes by adding more mustard or honey. Ok, no metaphor with this step, just make it taste good!
  5. Pour half of the dressing into a large shallow bowl and add the chicken breasts. Turn to coat them evenly then dredge them in the pretzel crumbs. Make sure to scoop the fine crumbs over the chicken to fully coat. In my mind, the chicken represents the heart post break up: a little bruised and beaten, certainly tender and very delicate, but full of promise. I’m going to ignore that I fully intend to eat this “heart” when all this is done.
  6. Set chicken breasts in the baking dish and bake 12-15 minutes or until cooked through. Remember, it won’t take long since they’re so thin.
  7. Let the chicken sit 5 minutes before serving with the remaining honey mustard dressing. While you wait, think about how gross it would have been to eat raw chicken, whole pretzels, and the other ingredients before going through all this pain work. Appreciate that something better will come out in the end.

That’s enough of my cheesy metaphors for today, but the recipe is fantastic and the pretzels can stand in for anyone you want to beat the living daylights out of. I highly recommend it!

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