Tag Archives: How I Met Your Mother

Your Father Isn’t…Ethan

12 Oct

For Valentine’s Day, I decide I’m going to wow Ethan. I’m always good at the cutesy romantic stuff; I once left conversation hearts in every place my then-boyfriend would touch getting ready in the morning until he came upon a big I ❤ U on his kitchen counter. I know, I’m adorbs.

Ethan just got rid of a huge pile of old nerdy tshirts and oh, it pained him to give them up. It pained him so much that he went through the box one by one, telling me how he got each shirt, some memory attached to it, and often what the heck it meant/why it was “funny.”

So I’m beyond excited to order him a new nerdy Game of Thrones themed tshirt, since we’ve bonded over the books and the show. I even throw in a Stark direwolf mug for good measure. I wrap it up in the cheesiest Valentine’s Day paper possible (to lower his expectations) and head to his house for dinner feeling quite proud of myself.

Ethan opens the door and immediately scoops me up into a huge hug and kiss. I nearly drop his gift but thankfully I regain my senses in time. Of course, as I do, I’m overwhelmed by the most delicious smell, which turns out to be homemade chicken marsala, bowtie pasta, and a salad (which doesn’t really smell but must be included). The kitchen is dim though… it turns out he has spread candles over every surface of his kitchen, giving the entire room a soft, flickering glow. Combined with the aromas and the food, well, it’s heavenly.

It’s so magical I can almost ignore his roommate making himself pancakes while we eat dinner.

It is far and away my second best Valentine’s Day ever (the first was with girlfriends in high school, eating nothing but sweets and watching the Notebook in pjs, which of course cannot be beat). Best for a boy though.

Definitely best for a boy.

~~~~

Kids, Valentine’s Day gets so over-hyped. Try to remember what matters and it will always be special.

As for Ethan, he’s a wonderful guy but he’s not your father. Seven months and a day after Valentine’s Day, we broke up for good and I wish I had a better explanation than “it didn’t work out.”  As usual, How I Met Your Mother summed it up best, although they did so in most-likely-fictional-but-maybe-not-because-it’s-German terms I cannot spell: Lebenslangerschicksalsschatz* and Beinaheleidenschaftsgegenstand*. The first  roughly translates to “life long treasure of destiny,” while the second refers to “the thing that is almost what you desire, but not quite.” Ethan is, I’m sorry to say, the latter.

*Translation and spelling from How I Met Your Mother episode “Farhampton” and a sketchy fan website respectively. Please don’t judge my German. In unrelated news, I bought myself a yellow umbrella.

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How I Didn’t Meet Your Father

26 Jul

Welcome to How I Didn’t Meet Your Father (HIDMYF). I’m doing this because after an… interesting… foray into online dating, my friends begged me to make a blog of my exploits. Don’t get the wrong idea. I’m no Washingtonienne, and the only scandal you’re likely to uncover is just what I’ll go through for some free food.

Yes, I’m sure there are better ways to meet the eligible bachelors of the metro DC area but I’ve found that this town is chock full of awesome single ladies who are equally befuddled as to where the reported legions of smart, handsome, powerful young men could possibly be hiding (Answer: Town on a Saturday night).

So with this blog, I’m taking a leap of faith. I’m assuming that like Ted on How I Met Your Mother, one of these days I will meet my future children’s father. I’m also taking a -much smaller- leap of faith that whoever he is, he will not be one of these winners I’ve dated so far.