Tag Archives: messages

Top Ten Messages I Don’t Answer

2 Dec

I get a lot of messages on OkCupid that I don’t, or can’t possibly, answer. Some are weird, some are hilarious, many are both. I’ve decided to pull out the top ten from the last few months to share some of my favorites. All of the messages are posted IN THEIR ENTIRETY, except for names.

# 10       The Incomplete Thought Message

I have to message a yankee fan

#9          The Backhanded Compliment

Hey. How you doing? Your profile seems pretty cool even though it’s vague!! I would like to know more about you..

#8          The “Friend” Note

(from a straight woman): Hi there! Don’t normally do this, but you are beautiful! Im in awe! Hows your hunt going on here? IM brand new to it! eeek!

#7         The Assume-You-Already-Don’t-Like-Me Message

lol hey hows everything, I was just looking through your profile and you seem like you have this really happy, fun, and outgoing type of personality. Plus you definitely have this hottness about you too 😉 I like how you have a lot going on for yourself it’s very impressive. If you ever wana talk sometime lemme know, lol I think it would be fun to flirt my way to your good side.
ttys hopefully,

#6       The Too Honest Message

So what brought you to okcupid? I mean you seem like a nice enough girl from what I can glean on your profile, finding Prince Charming shouldn’t be that hard right? Unless you’re a crazy homicidal stalker chick, in which case, yeahhh might be a little harder to find Mr. Right. Hopefully that’s not the case, but I do value honesty 😉

*Ok, so I admit, I did kind of like this one. But it’s still a VERY bold move.

#5       The Trying-Too-Hard Message

Hi there how are you doing today. Well i read your profile and you seem like your a amazing A wonderful women, seem very down to earth with a great personality …. and then i came to  your pics. You are so beautiful lol im sorry this may sound cheesy but you very very  beautiful. But yea i was wondering if you like to chat and get to know each other more. I  mean idk if im the type of person you date? but you only live once so i thought why not its  worth it. But yea again i would love to chat with you and i really hope to hear back from you .

P.S hope there is a big smile as your reading this hehe.

P.P.S sorry for the mini essay

#4       The Straight Forward Insult

So youre very picky when it comes to guys huh? i remember talking to you months and months ago 🙂

*Note: I never talked to this guy before.

#3      The Form Letter Message (it’ll become clearer once you read #2)

You sound like you might be more than just another pretty face. Something tells me that you’re probably getting about 50 emails a day from loser guys saying things like “Hi, I’m freshly divorced from my seventh wife, have 5 delinquent kids… but the good news is that I have a good chance at finally getting a job…” etc.

In any event, I’m 30, have my life together, and I’m more than the usual amount of interesting and funny, so you’d better like to laugh. You sound like you might make an interesting friend, so let’s get together for a cup of something delicious and some interesting conversation… if you think you can handle it, that is!

Ambition? Oh, how dare you!! 😉 Well, since you are such a great cook, which I certainly wouldn’t complain about, what’s your dish that you whip up to impress?

#2     The Condescending Form Letter Message

Sick of all those boring e-mails? Haha, how do they all go again?

First a compliment right? “YOU ARE SO BEAUTIFUL!” – I also remember to keep everything in caps! Wait…I forgot to misspell half the words…

Then a pathetic attempt to rationalize why you should like me…”Wow we have sooo mach in comon” – See I misspelled words that time!

Then let me think…what usually comes next….guys telling you about themselves? I’m sure you get hundreds of guys who are recently divorced from their 4th wife and have 12 kids (some in jail) but their lives are turning around! Getting a part-time job at the sizzler? 😀


Anyway! I am WAY more than the usual amount of interesting and funny and you caught my eye. You seem very different from most of the girls on here (And that is a VERY good thing).

You seem interesting and we seem to have a lot common (Go Yanks!). I’m considering getting to know you.

Talk to you soon,

And drum roll please….the winner is: The Slightly Dirty Message

#1           The Slightly Dirty Message

I’m interested in tasting one of your baked goods 🙂